Mental Floss is partnering with FilmNation and iHeartPodcasts to land you the transcripts forGreatest Escapes , a podcast hosted by Arturo Castro about some of the wild escapism stories across history . In this sequence , Jon Barinholtz ( American Auto , Chicago Party Aunt ) help Arturo infiltrate the Tower of London in the Elizabethan earned run average , uncovering the taradiddle of John Gerard , a covert priest with an uncanny aptitude for orange juice . scan all the transcriptshere .
Arturo Castro : Ben , can you gimme a niggling bit of that particular thing you memorialize for us , please ? To get us into the temper ?
Ben : Yes , of course .
[ “ Greensleeves ” plays ]
Jon Barinholtz : Ooh , little “ Greensleeves . ”
Arturo : Yes , on the dot . give thanks you . It ’s the only medieval music I memorise .
Jon : Yeah , and I know you play the dulcimer too , so …
Arturo : This isGreatest Escapes , a show bringing you the wildest true escapism stories of all time . I ’m Arturo , and I ’m joined by the hilarious author , worker , producer Jon Barinholtz .
[ THEME UP AND play OUT ]
Whoa .
Jon : Nice .
Arturo : Did you have it away that Ben Chugg make that version of the base call just for this special sequence ?
Jon : Oh , perfect .
Arturo : Yeah . Yeah . So we should only speak in old English is what I ’m trying to say . Dude . Welcome to the show . So stoked to have you .
Jon : So glad to be here . I ’m an equally big buff of yours and I love escape stories and it’s — it just sounded like so much playfulness .
Jon’s Escape
Arturo : Jon , do you have a bully escape ?
Jon : I do , and it ’s in 2009 , right before I propel out to Los Angeles . I ’m carry and bring up in Chicago and I was , I conceive like a week outta impress to Los Angeles and over the course of a calendar month , there was a string of mugging in the area I live on in in Chicago . In Wrigleyville , and — I do wanna say I love Chicago . It ’s an awful city . I know , like , there ’s a perception where it ’s very dangerous — and I ’m about to distinguish a story that was —
Arturo : That reinforces that ?
Jon:—but it ’s … you ’re fine . If you go to Chicago , you ’re f***ing fine . It ’s good . This was a … a fluke incident .
Three improvisers in the expanse had gotten blindsided and mug over the course of like a calendar month . And it was always the same thing . It was like , around 11 o’clock , they were drunk walking home by themselves , and they got mugged , and I knew two of them . And one night I was leaving Improv Olympic , and I as luck would have it was n’t intoxicated . I — which is —
Arturo : What time was , was this at more or less ?
Jon : At about 10:45 . It was like — it was before 11 .
Arturo : Ooh . Mugging hour is upon us .
Jon : Yes , mugging hour was upon us .
Arturo : Yeah .
Jon : And I was walking home and I — I call back I had leave behind my ally Nick at , uh , Improv Olympic . And at the metre — do you remember the movie , The Room ? It ’s like that cult bad movie by Tommy Wiseau ?
Arturo : Oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah .
Jon : Like , Franco made a movie on it . Yeah , yeah , yeah . So this is 2009 . So this movie was n’t like , wide available yet . There was one DVD , one copy of it , kind of travel around the comedy scene in Chicago so people could like , you know , get high and watch it . And my crony Nick had it and he had n’t watched it yet .
And I was like , “ oh , can I take up it ? I ’m gon na take over the DVD and watch it . ” He ’s like , “ yeah , yeah , fine . ” He ’s like , “ do n’t lose it . ” I ’m like , “ I ’m not gonna — I’m walk menage , I ’m gon na view it . I ’m not gon na lose it . ”
I turned down my street and I see a guy like walkway past me and I just gave him like a , “ Hey , what ’s up ? ” And he does n’t give anything back . And I was like , “ Ooh , ” like spidey sess live on . I was like , “ that ’s not good . ” So I ’m kind of like , looking at him and like , the eyes in the back of my chief , like , kind of like , sour a little as he make pass me , he did n’t turn around , so I ’m OK . And just then outta like my peripheral , I ’ll see another guy cable across the street , like , slowly walking into the street and I was like …
Arturo : Oh .
Jon:“Ooh , OK . ” I look back , the other guy ’s now turned around . I ’m like , “ OK , like this is happening . ”
Arturo:“I attempt to say hi to this next guy . I judge to say hi to him as well . There was a rearing trying to salute people . ” Yeah –
Jon : The next hombre was—“there ’s lowbred people in my street tonight . ” I just had the feeling properly away . I was like , this is happening . And I just started sprint . I — I abbreviate into the street and start sprint and I run right into a third guy .
Arturo : No !
Jon : And they had me in like a Triangulum and I ’m like , “ f * * * , they got me . ” And like , luckily they ’re not holding anything and I ’m like , really harassed . I sleep with I was moving in a week . They were gon na get my wallet . So , uh , they ’re like , “ what do you sustain ? ” And remember like , in the middle of the street in this trilateral amongst them , and I take on my wallet and I just like emptied on the ground and fuddle it .
There ’s like no money in it . I take up my earphone , I break it on the ground , and –
Arturo : No ! safe for you .
Jon : I’m just , I ’m mad . I had a stack pipe on me . I wear the pot organ pipe .
Arturo : Take one last hit like , “ hmm . F * * * you ! ”
Jon : I’m holding that DVD ofThe Roomand I ’m just — I keep hold that . I was like , “ they ’re not gon na take this . ” And the third guy , he ’s like , “ what ’s that there ? ” I was like , “ It ’s a DVD of a really sorry motion picture , ” and he ’s like , “ give it . ” I ’m like , “ Goddammit . ” I ’m angry .
I give him the DVD . One of the other guys is like trying to pick up my phone — like , what ’s go away of it — and like … and my billfold and like , all my cards .
And the original guy is like , “ come with me . ” I ’m like , “ all good . ” I ’m just annoyed . He ’s just trying to get me away from them . He starts walking me up the sidewalk and he pull out a f***ing triggerman .
Arturo : No .
Jon : And I went from being annoyed to being like , “ this is how it end . ”
Jon : And he turns back to his — to the other two guys and he goes , “ f * * * it , I ’m just gon na crest him . ” And as like , that word left his mouth , I was — there was like , a big tree diagram next to me — I was like , a hundred yards down the street . Like I — I had never hunt down so tight . I wish — as he said that , and I find out his head was still turn back , I just sprint and I make out in front of the tree diagram . So like , I was out of — he did n’t have like a clear transmission line of heap on me . I do n’t recollect he was gon na sprout me . I think he was just trying to scare me , but I was gone , man . I wish — I moved I call back like , 50 yards in like , four seconds .
Arturo : Jesus Christ , dude . full for you . I ’m so happy you ’re alive .
Jon : Yeah , I got out , I got out . They get away . They got all my sh*t .
Arturo : It ’s so weird because after that , criminal offense shake off tremendously because muggers were just obsess with Tommy Wiseau after that , they were just too interfering watchingThe Roomover and over .
Jon : For one year in Chicago , no one got mug because all these muggers were just — were just watchingThe elbow room .
Arturo : They were just like — they just wanted to stop people and be like , “ how ’s my impression ? I did not . I did not hit her . Oh , hi Mark . ”
Thanks for partake that level , and I wanna ask you a motion .
Jon : Yes .
Arturo : So when I sayorange juiceand then I saya prison house escape , like … what do you think ?
Jon : Orange juice , prison escape . I think , like … off the top of my head , I imagine like , they made the orange succus acidulent and they were capable to dissolve the locks .
Arturo : There we go .
Jon : And I — that ’s where my brain would go .
Arturo : OK . No , that ’s a good one . OK , allow ’s see . Let ’s see if you ’re right . OK , so let ’s get into this leakage situation . Ben , can I get a little “ boom , thunder . We ’re have into the escape ” thing ?
Jon : Law and Order , but like olde EnglishLaw and Order .
[ Law and Order - esque Stinger ]
Jon : Oh , yes yes yes yes .
Arturo:“Right , Gov’ner . ” Like , I do n’t do it . Ben was doing a real , like , “ hello , sorry , ” accent to begin with .
Ben Chugg:“Sorry sir . Yes . ”
Arturo : What do you have sex about , uh , the Tower of London ?
Jon : I was just in London in the summer and I took a little gravy boat head trip and I think we conk out past it on — on the river . I just acknowledge that it ’s … it currently has the , the jacket crown jewels in it , I cogitate ?
Arturo : That ’s right . That ’s proper . Yeah . No , you nailed it .
Chapter 1: A Real Zoo
Arturo : The Tower of London is make out as England ’s most infamous historical prison . Right ? But it did n’t start out as just a prison . In fact , it started off as a castling , which you may kind of tell by the embodiment of it , um , and the general castle - y vibration that it has , you know ?
Jon : Yeah . Classic rook . Greco-Roman castle .
Arturo : Yeah . “ It ’s giving me castle ! ” So it was built by the French king William the Conqueror after he , well , you hump , stamp down England in 1066 , was the year .
Jon : Oh , the Battle of Hastings .
Arturo : That ’s right , man . Good for you . Um —
Jon : give thanks you .
Arturo:—I did n’t know that until this installment really . Uh , so way to prove that you ’re way smarter than the host , Jon . Great . You ’re doing dandy .
Jon : The Battle of Hastings and the Magna Carta are the two dates I — I think I recollect . And that ’s it .
Arturo : OK . Uh , Ben , take his DVD . Please . Take his f***ing DVD . OK .
So the palace was put up by William the Conqueror , basically as a flex . At the meat is the White Tower , which is surround by a number of other buildings . Around that is two layer of fortified wall , stud with tugboat and Bill Gates , besiege by a moat . All this is next to the river Thames River . Paranoid much , buddy ?
I in person care , miss moats . You know , like … I think they were like such a cool thing to have back in the day .
Jon : Honestly , it ’s one of those matter — like , a lot of stuff from the medieval ages and like , and beyond should have go out . Uh , but moat should have delay . fosse —
Arturo : Moats should have stayed . Yeah .
Jon : A great concept . It ’s a great construct .
Arturo : Yeah . That torturing people and you know , religious persecution part can go , but give me like , alligators , chomp at the bit , you know ?
Jon : Yes , yes , yes , yes , yes .
Arturo:“It ’s give me castle ! ”
So every different tower and wall has its own name , right ? Like , Salt Tower , Wardrobe Tower . Cradle Tower , Brick Tower , etc . , etc .
Jon : Sure .
Arturo : And altogether the palace is known as the Tower of London . So that ’s not f***ing confusing at all . Like why — like is it just — can it just be called like , “ thetowersof London ” ?
Jon : Yeah . Yeah . It’s — yeah . Give us a plural form .
Arturo : So over time , the various kings of England used it as a regal palace , right ? They even made it the purple mint , where they moil out England ’s money originate in the 1200s . The uses of the tugboat even included keeping a large collection of animal inside , which kind of makes it London ’s first zoological garden .
Jon : The Tower of London was like , happen .
Arturo : Yeah . fashion plate , it was like , drink down .
Jon : They made their money . It was a zoo . Amaze — who love ?
Arturo : So in 1235 the king was given some lion , and later in the 1200s came gifts of a polar bear and an African elephant . reckon how f***ing confused you ’d be as a polar bear waking up in the Tower of London , you know ?
Jon : Yeah . And —
[ Bear noise ]
Arturo : give thanks you , Ben . That bear sound mazed . It really — you really nailed it .
Jon:“Aroo ? ”
Arturo : Yeah . “ What the f * * * ? ” His friends would never conceive him . Like , “ hombre , bozo . Bob . Bob . I fing strike asleep , correct ? I was hungover and I wake up up surround by fing people with dreaded teeth . ”
Jon:“I dunno what the f * * * they were saying . ”
Arturo : Of naturally , I ’m verbalize of the British back then . You guys have excellent teeth now . I ’m just saying , all the medieval people .
Jon : Yes , yes , yes . For the most part .
Arturo : Yes , exactly .
So finally the Tower of London became famous for housing human prisoners . It was n’t specifically built as a clink , but it ended up being a pretty good , you make out , piazza for keeping people after keeping animal .
Jon : Sure . If you may hold in a polar bear , you may hold a person .
Arturo : That ’s right .
Jon : People ca n’t get out there . The bear could n’t get out .
Arturo : Yeah , that ’s right . “ I never determine him taste to lead . ” Um , the British accent will change periodically throughout the episode , everybody , so please forgive us .
Jon : But it is historically accurate . Like , sometimes we ’ll be talking as like … we ’ll be cockney a little scrap . Sometimes we ’ll be going upper crust British . It ’ll be — it’ll be very accurate .
Arturo : If — if ever you cogitate that we are , we ’re doing a sh*tty British accent , just know that that ’s how people spoke back then . OK ? And we just are being historically accurate . Thank you very much .
Jon : And there ’s no fashion to — there ’s no means for you to turn up it out there that we ’re being rude , so .
Arturo : So come at me with some audio files from the 1200s and then we ’ll talk .
So ironically , though , one of the very first people who was shut up up in the Tower of London was able to hightail it it .
He was not a opposite bear . His name was Ranulf Flambard , and he was a French bishop who was charged with embezzlement in the year 1100 and after he was convict of the crime , he was locked up in the Tower of London . But Flambard was a ample and powerful man , which meant he was pass on lot of free rein . Even when he was shut up up .
Jon : OK .
Arturo : So he organized a feast for the prison guard , presumptively –
Jon : Probably had to go the culinary tower .
Arturo:–in the culinary tower . I was gon na say ! So Ranulf ’s plan started with wines . He had so much wine brought in that it was enough to get all the jailers super sh*t face . He also had a rope smuggle into the prison inside one of the wine jugs , correct ? So once everyone else was exceedingly smashed , Ranulf was able-bodied to use the rope to climb down to the kayoed wall and get away . So congrats to rich ol’ Ranulf . But his story was only the first flight . I — I like his story though , because it ’s a real foreshadowing of the bigger story that we ’re enjoin today , which include insurgent priests , and financial crimes , and smuggling , and orange juice , and unbelievable Mexican valium escapes .
CHAPTER 2: Pain Points
Arturo : So the tug take off out as a castle as I ’ve told you , but over time it was used more and more as in prison until that basically strike over what it was , right ? And it actually had a reputation as a place that was very hard to escape from .
By the 1500s , its report was even sorry , right-hand ? It was have it off for the torturing and execution of most prisoners held inside . There were three main kinds of torture used in the Tower of London at the time . Would you like to bonk what they were ?
Jon : Yeah , I — I could probably guess one of them . Was one of them –
Arturo : tally me .
Jon:–that table where they — they stretch you out ?
Arturo : Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . The wrack .
Jon : Yes , the single-foot .
Arturo : That ’s right . The rack . Also , I saw this tweet that somebody was like , “ uh , hey , at some point the wheel , like at one very brief secondly , it must feel amazing . ” Like , you know –
Jon : Yeah . Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . There ’s got ta be a second where like , “ it ’s not , frankly , it ’s not that speculative . I kind of needed this . ” And then it goes into , “ no , it ’s too much ! ”
Arturo : Yeah . So the rack is the most famous one , and photos of previous variation of the wheel show that it ’s a metal frame with large wooden roller , decent where the ropes were secured .
Now the other ends would be tied to the prisoners ’ hired man and feet , turn the rolls would pull the ropes and stretch out the limb of the victim , eventually tearing apart their joints . Oh , so f***ed up . Now –
Jon : Not good .
Arturo : Yeah . Next we have the scavenger ’s girl , which was like sort of a cute name for what it really f***ing did . So this is the opposite word . Instead of stretch out the prisoner , it was design to squelch and turn them . OK , so first , it forces the captive into a kneeling position and then compresses the chest so that the lungs fulfil with blood .
Jon : Ugh .
Arturo : Ugh . And then we come to the manacles , right ? On the Tower of London site — yeah , they have a website now , so that ’s coolheaded — they include a firsthand account of what it was like to be rack by the manacles . You might say it ’s like the rack gadget , but by gravity . So the prisoner , his name is also John , uh , he wrote that to start , they put his radiocarpal joint in plastered iron rings and consecrate him to climb up a short ravel , right ? Once he was up at the top , they lifted his arms up above his head and push — ooh — an iron prevention through the ring . Then they pin the bar richly through the wall and they pull the run . So that left him just hanging by his workforce in the zephyr .
So plainly , this hooey is horrifying . So why are we speak about it , right ? And it ’s in reality because the safety valve that we ’re talking about today is John’s — the man who was describing the torture .
It ’s a story of how even though he was manacle to the wall , John was able to survive what he stomach in the Tower of London , and he was able to get the f * * * out of there . So good for John .
Jon : Happy to share a name with — with an escapee .
Arturo : Yeah , John Gerard was his genuine name , and in his later years , he wrote down his life story . Which is fortunate for us because he was kind of a badass . specially if you like Jesuits . Woo .
Jon : Sure . Come on . Ignatius Loyola ?
CHAPTER 3: Not My Dad!
Arturo : So John Gerard was born in 1564 in Derbyshire , England , which is like smack dab in the middle of the island , right ? The first big event in John ’s life happened when he was just 5 year onetime , cause his papa was stop and lock in the Tower of London .
Jon : Oh , come on .
Arturo : We’re just gon na barely touch on some of the f***ed up religious politics in England at the time . But what you need to know is that the queen was Elizabeth and she was Protestant and little John Gerard was born into a family of Catholics .
Jon : Sure . Sure .
Arturo : Fortunately for the Gerard family , though , they had friend in really powerful places . Their cousin was lawyer superior general of England , which helps , and he had even helped to defend Elizabeth from other plots and revolt . So he had take in some goodwill with the Crown . You could — so he could call in a favor . So after five years , John ’s pop was allowed to repay to his family . But even so , the arrest only added to how much John ’s Catholic kinsperson hated the Protestant queen .
I intend , that makes sense , right ? By the fourth dimension you ’re 10 years old , like — your dad ’s been locked up in the Tower of London for half your life . Like , how do you feel ?
Jon : Yeah . Absolutely . dead .
Arturo : So John was typeset on his course , resenting the queen and believing that the Protestants were malevolent , correct ? In his stripling , John travel back and forth between England , his nursing home , and France , where he was getting a Catholic educational activity .
On one of these journeys , he and a crew of other Catholic students were on a ship that was caught in a violent storm , they were forced to land at the English porthole of Dover and all the Catholics were arrested and send to prison house in London except for John . So this was his first arrest , and rather than being sent straight to a royal jail , he was send to a form of like , rotating house arrest . Like , he was passed around between various Protestants who were supposed to teach him the fault of his ways .
Jon : Oh , even off his mode . Yeah . Yeah . OK .
Arturo : Yeah , but what would you prefer ? Like a normal prison house cell or like a constant parade of multitude trying to wedge a religion on you ?
Jon : frankly , give me the prison cellphone with the other Catholics . If I ’m a Catholic , I ’m wish , “ yeah , look , we believe what we ’re doing . They do n’t believe what we ’re doing , but at least we ’re together . ” Versus like , you have to be in someone ’s mansion and — veryHandmaid ’s Tale - ish .
Arturo : That ’s right . That ’s right . They had to be called “ Offred ” too . It was weird . Um , I —
Jon : Very , very standardized .
Arturo : I got something to say about this in reality because my family was like , cafeteria Catholic , you hump ? We were like , “ we ’ll take that . We ’re like , f * * * that . No , no , give thanks you . ”
Jon : Yeah .
Arturo:“This judging hoi polloi for their sexual preference , go f * * * yourself . ” “ Oh , I make love the smell of incense . Yeah , we ’ll do that ! ” You know , that ’s sort of like what my Catholic — we never really went to masses , but there was like , the closest horse sense to our spirituality , I guess , was Catholic . But my — my aunt really wanted me to convert to Born Again Christianity , and they would take me to the early days groups and it would take — and it just — I was just never buying it .
take heed , if that works for you , that ’s totally fine . But my caveat against it was that I remember one time one of these f***ing youth groups handed me this brochure . It was kind of like a comic Christian Bible , but basically a comic Christian Bible was about a kid who did n’t convince his parents to win over to Born Again Christianity . And so then the — the last leaflet was his parent going to nether region and the kid like , squall in like , the stone of hell being like , uh , “ I could have save up him . ”
Jon : That was Marvel , right ? That ’s the new —
Arturo : Yeah , that was Marvel . So it’s — I’ve in reality been cast in it .
Jon : Oh , congratulations !
Arturo : Thank you so much . Um , but I ’m just like , you know — and at the time it really f***ed with me . I was like , “ oh my God . ”
Like , “ I — even though I ’m not feeling it , should I convert my par – ? Like how should I do this ? ” You be intimate ? And — and it just goes to show whatever your version of your , uh , of religion is , like , pushing your f***ing beliefs on anybody for any understanding , just seems — it ’s agonising , man . You be intimate ? Um , so I ’m certain a interpretation of that , but way less pleasant , was happening to John .
I love that I tried to make his battle about me , you live ? I was like , “ yeah , yeah , yeah , John , he got nail , a family died , whatever , but I learn a funny book ”
Jon:“John . Yeah , yeah , yeah . You were away from your family for class . ”
Arturo:“I read a really atrocious comic book . ”
So John say that he become this handling of being passed around the Protestants , uh , only because the queen ’s council was well-disposed to his family . So when he was finally released , John went direct back to France and then conk to Rome . Now he analyze , he trained , and when John was 24 , he last became a Jesuit like he always want . And now that he was a Jesuit , he was determined to head back to England , where he wanted to commit some law-breaking .
CHAPTER 4: Commando Priest
Arturo : Yeah , yeah . He ’s commando non-Christian priest ! This is where he gets activated .
[ spectacular vocalization ] Now when he reached England , John traveled in secret between the business firm of wealthy Catholics , where he would carry Catholic token , give the sacrament , and learn . Sorry to shift it to Telemundo vocalism there for a sec .
Jon : No . No . I was — that was — I was so in it . I was like , “ oh my God , something ’s bump . ”
Arturo : I just realize I ca n’t keep it up for the entire chapter . So since the Jesuits were banned , um , John constantly had to dodge priest hunter who were on the sentinel for Catholic teachers . But John did n’t mind , you know ? He said that he was on a divine mission to fetch back peregrine souls to their manufacturing business .
A case could be made that like — and do n’t get me wrong , I ’m on John ’s side on this one — but also , people really clean hills to die on at the time of like : It was all about whose faith was better , right , um , that — that it feel like an ideology fight more than —
Jon : First of all , I did n’t know there were non-Christian priest hunters . So wild . So wild . But yeah , I cerebrate it is . Yeah . It ’s , it ’s a — it ’s a , “ I trust this and I ’m gon na go spread this ” and “ no , we consider that ’s defective . We believe this other thing and we ’re gon na end you from spreading that thing . ”
Arturo : That ’s right-hand , yeah , no —
Jon : It ’s —
Arturo:—“no , my variation of it is better than your version of it . ”
Jon:“You guys are like very , very similar . Very similar . ”
Arturo:“My angel are cool than yours are”—like , OK . They ’re the same saints . You literally just created a church to — to get divorced .
Jon : All stemmed because , uh , a king , decades ago , wanted to be able to get divorced .
Arturo : What ’s it Henry IV ? Or Henry V ?
Jon : Henry V.
Arturo : Henry V. That ’s veracious .
Carl : It was Henry VIII .
Jon : Henry VIII ! Henry VIII !
Arturo : Oh my God . We sound like such a — also —
Jon : We just blew it .
Arturo : But — but also , like , see how quickly I abandoned my own feeling for yours because you spoke with such article of faith . You ’re like “ Henry V ” and I was like , “ John , I am so sorry ” until the God vocalism had to come and tell us .
Jon : God , it was so embarrassing .
Arturo : Yeah . Also like — how come in there ’s never been a show about priest hunters ? FilmNation , Tory ? permit ’s make a quick note about what we ’re gon na do next .
So , once in 1594 , a retainer of John ’s host betrayed him to the Department of Justice of the repose . The house had a secret room that even the servants did n’t know about . Many Catholics did at the meter , and gift them the unfortunate name of priest holes .
Jon : Come on .
Arturo : Yup . So John ducked inside a priest hole . Yeah , that ’s what they call them . “ He was really rich in that non-Christian priest trap . ” And uh , he sound out that the non-Christian priest hunters — coming soon to theaters !
Jon:“Priest cakehole . ”
Arturo:“Priest Orion : Down the Priest Hole . ”
Jon : That ’s the continuation , that ’s the continuation .
Arturo : So they bust down the threshold and they swarmed the planetary house .
They know the concealing places were vulgar , so they pound on the walls and the floor . They give one place unpounded . They nose receptive cap tile , and even measured the wall for heaviness . And they worked four days without finding John . His concealment dapple did n’t show up in their investigation . And that ’s because it was actually a cramped blank space under the chimney . John said that at one point a hunter even climbed down the lamp chimney and tapped on the wall .
Hoo , could you reckon the stress , man ? But they did n’t see the room access into his concealing plaza . Very , very lucky for John . When they finally leave behind , John climbed out and he ran for his living . He travel to London , and at first he thought he had father away . But the handmaiden who had sold him out the first time … was able to fall out him there . What ?
Jon : Come on ! Leave the guy alone . What are you doing ? It ’s so hard to journey back then anyway . Like —
Arturo : Like , you ’re take — like , you ’re like f***ing brook cholera throughout , man . Like , you ’re like —
Jon : Yeah —
Arturo : You sleep with , you ’re like —
Jon:—like , you ’re tattle - taling as you ’re like , coughing up profligate .
Arturo : Also , like , how did you not notice there was only one other fire within like the entire aspect that you were like , they were like , “ oh , it must be somebody not relate to me at all . ”
So just two weeks after ducking the search party in the country manor house , John was charm in the city . The priest hunter arrive at midnight and arrested John at blade point . He was shackled and held in a priest huntsman ’s own house before being passed from prison house to prison , where he was questioned repeatedly . But John would n’t give his querier any answer . So lastly , in 1597 , after three years , he was send to the Tower of London .
CHAPTER 5: Juicy Messages
Arturo : Now we ’re getting to the chief event , correct ? John Gerard is in the Tower of London where he is lock in the castle ’s Salt Tower .
Jon : The Salt Tower ?
Arturo : The Salt Tower , yeah . Some citizenry think that maybe they used to keep salt ? But we do n’t actually live . And by the time of this write up , it ’s one of the prison towers where multitude were really imprisoned . I guess you could say the prisoners were pretty … piquant . [ laughs ] Oh , I am so sorry .
Anyway , on his first night there , John is locked in a cellular phone where he sees a name itch on the wall : Henry Walpole .
Arturo : When John sees the name , he kind of freaks out because here ’s what John have a go at it about Walpole . He was another Catholic priest who had been in prison there . He was tortured 14 time and injure so badly that he lost the exercise of his hands . Then , he was shipped out to the metropolis of York in the due north of England where he was eventually do .
Now , Jon , if you ’re John Gerard at this degree , how are you feel ?
Jon : Not good , my protagonist .
Arturo : Not respectable . Right ?
Jon : Like , for like , just like … 14 clip — once and get it over with guys , and — you get laid , oh god . God .
Arturo : God . Yeah . Also that , you know , that like it must be such a horrible feeling of like , the impending torment and death .
Jon : Yes , yes , yes .
Arturo : So John had a pretty good idea of what lies in store for him at the Tower of London , specially because his full cousin is now gone . So there ’s a raw attorney general in England .
Jon : OK , OK .
Arturo : He get actually , yeah . The new attorney general in reality arrives to question John and run him through all form of political questions . You recognize , had he been work to overthrow the queen regnant , things like that . Right ?
And of course John had been in prison and question for three old age by this point . And what he said was that he had n’t been involved in any action against the government and he also would n’t give up the names of any other Catholics .
John enounce that they led him to the torture room , which is kind of like , they — they led him in a kind of solemn procession with people carrying candles ahead of them through the sour walls . Hoo . Like , what would that sound like , Ben Chugg ?
[ Ominous sound ]
Oh , oh yeah . That ’s what it would sound like and nobody , if — refuses to f***ing talk to you .
Jon : No one ’s like—“no center impinging . Hey , fall on , guys . Give little eye contact . ” Just like me walk down my street , I knew something was incorrect .
Arturo : Yeah , that ’s proper . That ’s right . “ You did n’t say hi to me . I bonk something ’s wrong , you ’re being rude . ”
So he was right about one thing . He got the same torture as Henry Walpole . He was hung from the ceiling by his wrists . Despite the shooting pain across his hands , arms , and breast , John say he did n’t give up any information . He hung that way for hours . At night , he was finally taken down and lead back to his cell , but the next day he was hang up again .
He says after just the 2nd day , he could n’t take much more of the torturing , and totally just passed out . After they had taken him down , John came to , and they force his back talk open with an smoothing iron nail and pelt red-hot water down his pharynx .
[ Water pouring / Man in pain ]
Damn , these motherf***ers are unrelenting . Really ? That ’s the level-headed gist that we beak . Jesus Christ guys . “ Ow ! ”
Ben : I’m work on the fly sheet , here . Gimme a break !
Arturo : No , I got you . I get you . It just sounds — it just sound more like somebody that like did n’t like his food for thought . Like , “ Ow ! ” It just sounds like Christopher Walken f***ing stub his toe . “ Oww . ”
Jon : I’m so — I’m so funny because it was hard to fact check back then in a well timed fashion , right ? So when you ’re postulate to give up names , could n’t you out , as like self - conservation , be like , “ uh , Tim Nobley and , uh , Chris Waddlesworth . ”
Arturo:“And , and — and their address is , well , you go past a pool — ”
Jon:“—a left at the fourth tree ! ”
Jon : You know , if they come in back and they were like , “ we did n’t find ‘ em , ” like , “ oh , I ’m drear . It was the third Sir Herbert Beerbohm Tree . ” And I just — I feel like you could have corrupt yourself more meter to not get tortured .
Arturo : You in all likelihood could have , but you know what I find telling is the fortitude that it convey to be tortured and not give up any gens , right ?
Arturo : I do n’t know about you , dude , but I care you’re able to guilt me into telling you sh*t — like , I am not good at lying .
Jon : I do n’t like silence , so if you just ask me the question and depend at me in secretiveness , I would eventually fill that silence with information .
Arturo : If you force me to say hi to you and you do n’t say hi back , I ’m just gon na give you my life history , you hump .
Uh , so after just two days of this , the man overseeing John ’s anguish resigned the position . opine how bad it has to be that the head of torture is just like , “ f * * * it , I ’m out . You guys are f***ing unearthly . ”
Jon:“It ’s too much . ”
Arturo:“You cat are bad . Yeah . I catch in this for the right-hand cause . It was fun at first , but this is just f***ed up . ”
Jon:“The torture secret plan is outta control . ”
Arturo:“That ’s good guys . It’s — it ’s past its point . It ’s past its prime . I ’m going back to edifice moats . ”
So luckily he was actually replaced by a kind soul . The novel man gave up the torturing and left John in his cell undisturbed .
Now for three weeks , John could scantily move his finger . It was so tough that he even demand help rust . Of course , he was n’t set aside any visitors during his incarceration at the tower . That meant it was the gaoler himself who had to tip him . The man felt high-risk for him , you know , and set out bringing him matter that he ask for from the remote world , like books and money , and finally , oranges .
Uh , here we go . Here we go . Also , money . Why did he bring money ?
Jon : Yeah , what do you need money for ? Like what do you —
Arturo : He was an other adopter of crypto . Um , so —
Jon:“Please bring me bitcoin ! ”
Arturo : So John had noticed that the screw wish oranges . So when they were delivered to his cell , John share them with the man , but he also had another idea for them .
So Jon , how the f * * * are you gon na break away the notorious prison house with the oranges ? We already talked about a little acidic matter that you talked about —
Jon : I — yeah , but like , I ’m just — I’m so curious . I have no estimation . Like , what is he doing ?
Arturo : OK , well first , he started gather orangish juice in a lowly jounce , good ?
Arturo : At night , John practiced physical exertion with his hand . As the effectiveness came back , he started carving orangish peels into rosaries , that he convinced a jailer to deliver them to other Catholic prisoners throughout the tower .
Over the next six month , John slowly executed his programme . He asked for newspaper to box up his orange peel rosaries , and then finally — also like , can you imagine some of the prisoners liked them ? And others were like , “ John , what the f * * * is this piece ? Like what ? Like what ? ”
Jon:“How about a lock pick ? Or like — ”
Arturo:“How about you send me the Orange River itself ? I ’m f***ing hungry , human being . ”
Jon:“Honestly , I ’d rather have your money , even though it means nothing in here . I ’d rather have that than oranges . ”
Arturo:“Are you bragging that you have so many orange that you just get to like do art and crafts with them ? ” Like , OK .
He finally asked for some charcoal to write substance to his friend outside the prison house . Now , at this point , he was passably nasty with the jailer , so he got everything he necessitate for .
Jon : His plan is come together now , like he has , like — he has a program . I ’m just so curious what it is , but it seems like he ’s make favor in arrive everything he wants mighty now and it ’s working for him .
Arturo : on the button , and that ’s where it’s — yeah . Anyway , so the moment of clarity for John Gerard was that alongside the charcoal gray penning , he also used a toothpick to scrawl unseeable word in orange juice .
[ air travel trump ]
Jon : Oh , OK . OK . First of all , I intend , just huge headline there . I did n’t know they had toothpick back then .
Arturo : That ’s right . I was like , “ and why did n’t nobody use them ? I ’ve seen the painting . You guys are — ”
Jon : I was gon na say , they’re — they’re all mangled , like —
Arturo : They — they were just in the main ornamental . Mainly decorative . You just wanted people to know that you had ‘ em around your house .
Jon : Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah .
Arturo : John says that this is something that a wad of Catholics were doing to direct private message . So he was confident that the other Catholics would know what to do when they capture his note .
And he was right ! John got a package of food for thought back from some of his Quaker outside the prison . And when he held up the packaging newspaper publisher to a standard candle flaming , he could see that they had responded with their own orange juice written material !
Jon : Oh my god .
Arturo : The unavowed channel of communication was capable . And it was fresh as f * * * . That ’s correct .
CHAPTER 6: Zipline to the Moat
Arturo : The first thing that John and his friends harmonize on was that they needed to compensate the jailor for these bill , right ? John ’s Catholic Quaker part sate the man ’s billfold so soon enough he was happily carry parcel of intellectual nourishment between them . The whole time John and his friends were work out the details of an escape plot .
So in the springtime of 1597 , the attorney general questioned John again to set up for his trial . The interrogation was harsh and it win over John that he was soon going to be given a public slaying .
Jon : Ahh .
Arturo : It was time . John initiated degree one of his plan . He win over the gaoler to let him visit another jail cell of another Catholic prisoner who was interlock up in the Cradle Tower .
Side annotation , f***ed up name for a tower . Yeah , but OK .
Jon : Very f***ed up .
Arturo : Yeah , it train some serious corrupt from John ’s friends , but they had paid the jailer enough . He agreed . A few things about this other homo : He had been in the Tower of London for 10 years . The cradle tower face the castle moat and the river beyond that . The man ’s prison cell had a lowly down — actually , correction — the homo ’s mobile phone was low down on the outer paries .
Jon : Oh .
Arturo : The prison cell had the low down on the — that cell really knew what was going down .
Jon : That electric cell was happening . It know — it sleep with who knew who , who wanted what .
Arturo : Right . It was such a chitchat . “ It ’s giving me gossip ! ”
So when the two of them were together in the man ’s cell , they looked out the window and they agreed that if they could get their manpower on some rope , they could apply it to shimmy down . As long as they had Friend on the outside who could pick ’em up and help them with the pickup , they could escape .
Jon : F***ing forget me drug man . prison house breaks still materialize today , and I have to suppose rope is a big part of it .
Arturo : Rope does n’t get enough credit .
Jon : Really , it doesn’t — it does n’t get enough deferred payment .
Arturo : That ’s right . So using the unavowed Orange River juice composition , John coordinated the clock time and the property with his web of Catholic friends outside . Now when the nighttime came , John bribed the screw — man , this jailer ’s just f***ing scan it in — um , to fetch him into the other human being ’s cell .
Once they were lock in together , they used the tongue to loosen the stone around the bolt of their cadre threshold and climbed onto the ceiling overlooking the fosse where they waitress . The first nighttime on the rooftop though ended in loser .
So John ’s friends did get in a run-in gravy boat , but they crashed on the riverside near the London Bridge and got trapped by the current and almost turtle . One of them even fall into the water and had to be rescue by a crowd of masses who collect when they hear him shout out , really giving away his place — like , “ please , I ’m trying — ”
Arturo:“—trying to get away . I ’m trying to get , contribute my supporter outta gaol . Can you — ”
Jon:“Please hold open me so I can — so I can break him out ! ”
Arturo : That ’s right . Fortunately for John , no one suspected they were trying to serve the prisoners escape .
They were then even capable to get their hands on another gravy boat and come back the very next night . This time , rather than climbing to the roof , John waited in the cell of Cradle Tower . When the straw hat extract up , they secured a rope to the vas and they flip the other side to John who attach it up inside the cell . Then the two world started to wobble down the R-2 .
Even though John ’s hands were still in tremendous pain , he was able to take it sluggish and cope to climb all the way down the forget me drug . He joined his confederate in the dinghy and they sic off down river under the cover charge of darkness . Their first concealment piazza was in the outskirts of the city where they switched to horses and disappeared into the countryside .
Jon : Ooh , Ooh .
Arturo : Throwing toothpick everywhere . “ Scavengers , scavenger , magpie . ”
Jon : Toothpicks for all !
CHAPTER 7: Zero Out of Five Stars
Arturo : Once John had escaped , his friend broadcast someone back to the prison . He recount the jailer what had happened and offered to get the military man out of the country . Now , when the gaoler realized that he would then be execute for letting John escape , he agree .
He went home , gathered his family , and fled the country using the Catholic cloak-and-dagger electronic connection to get out . John say that the gaoler lived comfortably for the rest of his life on a yearly allowance paid by the Jesuit allies .
Jon : Very cool . I trust John , I — I require to believe him .
Arturo : But that jailer is dead .
Jon : That jailer’sgone .
Arturo : That screw in his entire family . Yeah . “ And sir , so where can we find him ? ” He ’s like , “ oh , uh , around the pond . The — the third tree diagram . ” Like , you screw —
Jon:“Third tree . Pond . Oh no , it was four . It was you . I do n’t commend . But he just know that he ’s alive and well , and — ”
Arturo:“He ’s alive , he ’s thrive , he ’s living his honorable animation ! ”
As for John , he was able to stay in England for a year , moving between houses of his Catholic friends and keeping a lowly visibility . Would you have the courage of , uh — to do the same thing again after you were arrested the first time ?
Jon : No , no . Go to France . Go to go — go somewhere nice . You ’re in Europe . Travel . travelling !
Arturo : Find yourself . Eat , pray , love ! You get the whole orange tree peely rosary thing ? Go — go make a business . I ’m certain there ’s a business for it .
So things father even too blistering for John in 1605 , specially on the twenty percent of November . That ’s right . We ’re talking about the Gunpowder Plot when Catholic rebels seek to blow up Parliament .
Jon : Remember , call back the 5th of November .
Arturo : Yes . After that , even John get out of England and I gauge it was a sign of the zodiac that his missionary work was over . Now , John was finally able-bodied to slip across the English Channel and lam the reach of the Protestant powers trying to kill him . He made it to the English college in Rome where he lived until his dying in 1637 . He was 73 years old . Before his death , he write a memoir describing his life , his various encounters with priest hunters , his incarceration in the tower , and his dodging .
These days , the Tower of London is super popular with tourists . Like you said , it ’s where England ’s treetop jewels are displayed .
Arturo : Reviews in reality give the castle a four out of five stars on Yelp and TripAdvisor .
Jon : God , these like amazing historical artifact are just like , just so —
Arturo : They’re like , “ not impressed . Not impressed . Not into it . You know , the refreshments were n’t that near . Um — ”
Jon:“The towboat was kind of cold . ”
Arturo : Yeah , that ’s correct . Also , I do n’t think that that ’s how John Gerard would ’ve like rat his stoppage . You know , I would ’ve loved to read his Yelp review , being like , “ um , the staff was friendly , but my goodness , the daytime activities were really laborious to swallow . ”
Jon:“If I could give zero lead , I would , but it earn me give them one , so I will give one . ”
Arturo : One interesting little titbit though , uh — tower tourism actually get in the 1500s . Today people visit it as a historic prison house and torturing chamber , and it cost about 30 British pounds to get in . So at least we have the welfare of distance from the unrelenting past . But in the same years that people were being imprisoned there and tortured inside , others were pay off to impose and do a little cataclysm tourism . Can you think ?
Arturo : Can you conceive ?
Jon : Wild .
Arturo : One account suppose that in 1639 , an aristocrat paid 11 British shilling for her tour . Aristocrats , man , They ’re like , “ oh , is n’t this pleasant ? Is n’t this beautiful ? ” That ’s right-hand . “ Hello , may I have this dance while these people are – ”
Jon:“Yes . permit ’s go learn a small torture today . ”
Arturo:“That ’s positively diabolic . ”
Outro
Arturo : Um , OK , so to recap : F***ing brainsick write up . Uh , Jon , visiting twisting chamber . Fun , yay , or nay ?
Jon : Yeah , contemporaneously with when the people are getting torment , like no , like — of course not . Present day . Like … yeah . Like , I ’ve been to like a couple outdoors of Rome , uh , old Roman one and yeah — like , outta oddment , like yes , but like — not like —
Arturo : Not back then when it ’s actively being used as one , proper ?
Jon : No , no , no . Yes yes yes .
Arturo : The Inquisition museums are so f***ed up .
Jon : Yeah . I mean , to — to birth witness to the crazy clobber , yes .
Arturo : It ’s worth it . Yes .
Arturo : Where can attender find your piece of work ?
Jon : I have a little house , uh , smother by a moat . I know I ’m onAmerican Autonow . That ’s on NBC . Uh , I remember you could get it on Peacock . I think we ’re off Hulu . We ’re done with Hulu . Superstoreis — that ’s on — that still is on Hulu , I think . And — and you could also contain out the second season ofChicago Party Aunt , on Netflix .
Arturo : Oh , congratulations pal .
Jon : Get your binge in .
Arturo : So would you like to play at , uh , convincing each other that we have to lam this prison , but in the vocalization of Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage signing off , like — like , let ’s escape the spot . So who do you wanna be ?
Jon : I’ll — I’ll take … take a little Connery .
Arturo : Yeah , take Connery , right ? OK . OK , go beforehand . get it .
“ We got ta go now , Connery ! ”
Jon:“We have to expect until the precaution ’s asleep , then we can make our move ! ”
Arturo:“Here ’s some Orange River succus , Sean , what are you gon na do about it ? ”
Jon:“I’m gon na write a minuscule , piffling filthy banker’s bill , uh , and , and slip it past the guard so we can get a help from our protagonist in the exterior . ”
Arturo : Oh , fantastic , brother . Thank you . What a pleasance . Thank you so much , Jon . A keen honour , brother .
Jon : Buddy , thank you so much . So much sport . You ’re so funny .
Arturo : Oh man . What a great meter that was .
Credits
Arturo : Greatest Escapesis a yield of iHeartRadio and FilmNation Entertainment , in association with Gilded Audio . Our executive producers are me , Arturo , Alyssa Martino and Milan Popelka from FilmNation Entertainment , Andrew Chugg and Whitney Donaldson from Gilded Audio , and Dylan Fagan from iHeartRadio .
The show is produced and edited by Carl Nellis and Ben Chugg , who are also , severally , our enquiry overlord and music overlord . Our associate producer is Tory Smith , who is our other overlord .
Nick Dooley is our technological theatre director . Additional editing by Whitney Donaldson . Special thanks to Alison Cohen , Dan Welsh , Ben Ryzack , Sara Joyner , Nicki Stein , Olivia Canny , and Kelsey Albright .
Hey , give thanks you so much for listening , and if you ’re enjoy the show , please get out a rating or critical review . My mom will call you each personally and thank you , and we ’ll see you all next week .
