for certain , on the surface , the proposed Running Man reboot sound like a can’t - miss proposition , a seamless shading of America ’s two current pet interest : reality TVand recycling estimation from the ’ 80s . There ’s just one job .
Running Man — as in the showthe movieis about * — is the wrong form of reality telecasting . Oh , and there ’s one more job , too :
To the best of my knowledge , no one has earnestly proposed remakingThe Running Man . I made that up to get you to click . Sorry about that . That said , it ’s sure as shooting only a thing of time before someone does start mulling it over , so consider this a preemptive strike .
As I was saying , The Running Man highlights the haywire kind of reality TV . Audiences of the future would never go for it , if they ’re anything like audience of today . Because while audiences of today do love Personal Triumph Over Overwhelming Odds ( which The Running Man has in spades ) , as well as severe hoi polloi Doing terrible Things ( another of its hallmarks ) , and while they have no problem with , or even register any cognizance of , misdirect Editing on the Part of a Show ’s Producers ( on which the film ’s plot of land flexible joint ) , one affair they detest is People Getting Killed For Real .
This might not have been so open in 1987 , when The Running Man was released . Back then , it feel like half of primetime — Hunter , The Equalizer , Simon & Simon , Crockett and Tubbs , the Scarecrow , even Mrs. King — was pack blade , and if you followed that trend to its legitimate finale , it was gentle to reckon far-flung disregard for human life spill over into the real humanity , too . Tack the television listings to the rampart today , though , and flip a dart at them , and odds are far right you ’ll hit a show about take a leak soufflés than shooting bad guys . Heck , even the one faintly ( and I stress that ) sinister reality programme , Survivor — well , is that still on?It is , apparently , but ratings - wise , it ’s no dance With the Stars .
So , no . If the most intense conflict that most spectator can deal now involve a grouping of mass known as “ cheftestants , ” we ’re not live to tune up in to watch anyone get gunned down in cold-blooded origin , not any time shortly . At the same fourth dimension , it seems as unlikely that Western refinement is become to stop correct . Here , then , are a few of the not so violent , but still sublimely asinine realism series I ’m sure we ’ll see before God or His handmaid , the four - foot Cthulhu worm , are kind enough to put us out of our miserableness :
https://gizmodo.com/giant-worm-not-actually-making-spice-in-cornwall-5174455
mark With the Spur Posse . What two elements of world TV are more proven success than ( 1 ) bringing back people who were famous a decade ago but are n’t any longer and ( 2 ) sex ? This show combines both .
Up for grab is membership in that early-’90s version of the Rat Pack , the ( reunited)Spur Posse . As one of the competing dudes , all you have to do is rack up more distributor point than the other contestants by kip with more miss . Potential challenge include the Three - Way Challenge , the Friend ’s Sister Challenge , and the Convincing Her to Have sexual practice With All the Guys in the Posse , Too Challenge . Bonus points for cockblocking an opposition , and even more incentive item if you deal to score with the girl you embarrass him from , bro . The second time of year , in which half the protester are female ( yes , they ’re trying to have sex with girls too ) , sees unprecedented military rating , and the unfiltered extra stuff available online earns record dealings for Spike TV ’s website .
Make Me a Topless Dancer . Are you pretty , but self - aware enough to fuck you ’re never go to be anywhere ’s next top model ? Do you have too much dignity to be a Pussycat Doll ? This is your show .
I ca n’t think of any celebrity strippers , so who will host it ? ProbablyLindsay Lohan . The challenges here should be fairly all the way - cut : learning to work the pole , selling the most private dances , swimmingly take a client ’s belt and then fastening it around his neck opening like a collar , before leading him on all fours around the stage while spanking him . The heartache at the end of each episode , though , when one contestant is forced to turn in her Lucite chopine heel to Lindsay and then is show hollo in the confessional booth about how she ’ll never be able to compensate for med school now — devastating .
Flame Wars . Take ten Internet user . Stick them together in a house somewhere with a gorgeous climate and all sort of places to visit and fun activities to take part in nearby .
Then give the contestants each their own computer and have team employed by the producer ( these team will be posing as single , anon. individual , of course ) start arguments with them on random message boards , about pretty much anything . Never let the protester get the last word in , no matter how recently it gets or how long the fight goes on . The first of the ten with the presence of mind and self-control to forget the house for at least an 60 minutes ( and then not get suck back into the fight when they come back ) wins .
I need to Be on a Reality Show . This , I consider , is the inevitable Z decimal point of realness goggle box . As it currently stands , G — diddlysquat , possibly millions of people desperately want to be on realness shows so that they can be hairstylists , or way designers , or dancers , or comedians , or lose system of weights , or just get married . * *
There ’s only so much TV time , though , so there ’ll have to be a way of life to separate the wheat from the chaff . Or rather , the chaff from the even chaffier . The winner gets to be on the program of his or her option . The loser …
The losers get hunted by opera house - singing Stalkers who shoot lightning at them , in reality . America might never be ready to watch that happen on TV , but that does n’t mean we ca n’t do it without the cameras .
Commenter Moff ’s existent name is Josh Wimmer , and like Buzzsaw , he had to separate . He can usually be found atscribblescribblescribble.com/blog .
- I should belike note here that this essay is distribute exclusively with the movie version of The Running Man , star Arnold Schwarzenegger . Yes , I have a go at it the movie was a record book first . Yes , it is a very safe book . Yes , an genuine film rendering of the Scripture would be awesome . You should write a blog post about it .
- In fairness , this was how I meet Mrs. Moff , although the show in interrogation was The Ultimate Fighter .
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