A court in Pittsburgh has behave Luke Skywalker of 5999 murder charges for causing the destruction of the Death Star .
The trial put the two highest - ranking rulers of the Galactic Empire , Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine , on the witness rack , along with the top leadership of the Rebel Alliance — Han Solo , Princess Leia , and Skywalker himself — to recount the consequence moderate up to the plosion of the Galactic Empire star base .
While Skywalker ( attorney Matthew Feinman ) and his guidance did not deny the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania’schargethat “ on or about May 25 , 1977 , ” the Jedifireda proton bomber at a design defect in the industrial heavenly object , leading to its complete destruction and the Death of most crew members , Skywalker claimed the natural process was justified , given the Death Star ’s recent use as a weapon of wandering end .
“ I destroyed it because the Empire was posing a threat to the entire Rebel Alliance and the galaxy as a whole , ” Skywalker , waiving hisFifth Amendmentright , told the courtroom . “ The Death Star could destroy an entire major planet . If I did n’t destroy it , 1000000 or even one million million of lives could have been lost . The saturnine forces have no esteem for human life and would destroy everything in their path . ”
The panel consider it . enounce panel was a made up of Pittsburgh - area grade - schoolers , many of whom were wearingStar WarsT - shirts for the occasion , so it was arguably a corrupt panel pocket billiards . Still , the Tatooine farmhand - wrick - political radical left the courtroom as devoid as anunsaddled Bantha .
The “ trial , ” which took place on April 13 , 2019 at Dormont Public Library , was one in a series of the Allegheny County Bar Association ’s yearly “ Fairy Tale Mock Trials , ” meant to give child an introduction to the sound system , via material they have intercourse , and also set aside local attorney to show off their cosplay skills . ( Last twelvemonth , the Bar Association triedHarry Potterfor the demise ofProfessor Quirrell . The kids let The male child Who Lived walk , too . )
“ When they debate , they can be so thoughtful that I consider a few of them could become interested in law , ” lawyer Catherine S. Loeffler , one of the event ’s organizers , say .
The prosecution ’s key looker emphasize the red ink of life on the Death Star and in what Emperor Palpatine ( attorney Casey Rankin , who specialized in toxic tort defense ) characterized as an “ unprovoked plan of attack . ”
“ Without warning or provocation , Luke Skywalker and fellow member of the Rebel Alliance attacked us and the Battle of Yavin ensued , ” Palpatine / Rankin siss . “ Our men fought valorously but they were overwhelm by the sheer numbers of the Rebel Alliance . ”
Under question from “ prosecutor ” John Ogden , Palpatine put the toll of the destroy property at “ a trillion astronomic mention . ”
“ It voice like you have a civil suit on your work force , ” Ogden retorted .
“ The Empire has much to settle , ” the hooded galactic overlord hold .
Darth Vader ( lawyer Stephen Elek ) tell the shot to his visit sense of calm and control on day of the aver criminal offence . “ I look out the window and I saw the integral Rebel Alliance armada , ” he say . “ There must have been over 200 ships right outside the Death Star . ”
However , Vader and Palpatine proved to be unsympathetic attestator when , under interview from Skywalker ’s attorney , Brian Shepard , both admit to using the Death Star in major planet - all-embracing carnage .
When Shepard asked if the Empire ’s agendum consisted of " blowing up their planets , demolish metropolis , and killing 1000 of hoi polloi , ” Vader angrily retorted : “ Yes , but it was a enceinte purposeyooouuuwouldn’t understand . ”
The testimony of Storm Trooper Number 12 ( University of Pittsburgh postdoctoral comrade Wynn Meyer ) may have attain a few heartstrings . “ They surrounded us from all side with a strategically coordinated attack , ” the servant of the Empire , who bear witness in uniform , enjoin . “ It was clear they had been planning this for a while , emphatically premeditated . They were heavily armed and many of my best human race were kill before my very eyes . ” She admitted that as the rebels promote , “ it was hard to hit anyone . ”
The defense ’s strategy hit a hang-up when key spectator Han Solo ( attorney Adam Rosenthal ) was pique that United States Department of Defense lawyer Ogden had not get a line of his smuggling vessel . “ You have n’t heard of the Millennium Falcon ? ” Solo involve , perplexed , when Ogden take him to describe the ship that accept part in the attack . “ That ’s the ship that did the Kessel Run in [ less than ] 12 secpar . ”
Judge Amanda Kraft ( a business concern lawyer by mean solar day ) interrupted legal proceeding to halt the mark - talk about the Millennium Falcon .
The defence ’s final witness , Princess Leia ( lawyer Lea Lach ) , give back to a tip of moral clarity by mournfully identify the destruction of her base planet , Alderaan , via the Death Star .
“ By destroying the Death Star , we saved lives , ” her loftiness said . “ Darth Vader and the Empire should be on test . My home planet was a peaceful place with no place or military basis . They killed millions of people and we killed 5999 to break them from belt down millions more . This trial is an scandal . It ’s unfortunate those lives were suffer , but we were doing it for the greater trade good . ”
After deliberating with a motor hotel officer , the 3 - metrical unit - tall panel spokesman agreed . “ We feel Luke Skywalker destitute and think Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader should be on trial run . ”
Somehow , Skywalker and his defense squad managed to wrench the prosecution ’s star witnesses into the defendants — a Jedi mind magic if there ever was one .
